Hassig

I’ve been get­ting worse at this con­sis­tent design thing. I thought it would make me bet­ter, more cre­ative, but I feel so dry, so unmo­ti­vated right now. I do think it has helped, but in a more tech­ni­cal sense. On that note, I have been telling myself all day to put some thoughts on paper (or blog, not the same but close enough).

Some­times I won­der why I blog at all, but deep down I think I know. I really do love shar­ing things with friends and peers, but for the most part I think I would still have a blog if I never had a sin­gle vis­i­tor. Some­times I just need to write stuff out, and paper is prob­a­bly bet­ter, there’s some­thing spe­cial about phys­i­cally writ­ing it out in your own hand­writ­ing, but sim­i­lar prin­ci­ples are at work here.

There has been so much on my mind lately. Work seems to hit me in very large waves. I don’t feel like I have the nec­es­sary skills at times nor the time to learn. Try­ing to bud­get. To plan. To pos­si­bly buy a house, mean­ing find a real­tor, look, bud­get… Prepar­ing for a wed­ding and all the things that go with, with a fiance that lives in a dif­fer­ent city. I think the worst thing of all is the close friends I have in my life are hun­dreds of miles away, mean­ing I often don’t have that out­let to share my thoughts, feel­ings, ect ect. At least not at the same level from for­mer times. I sup­pose that’s why I’m express­ing here, let­ting some­thing out.

Any­way, over­all things have been quite good. There’s so many rea­sons to be thank­ful. I find it chal­leng­ing even writ­ing this though because as I do there are so many thoughts basi­cally knock­ing each other down, try­ing to get out, like the open­ing of a pop­u­lar woman’s store on black fri­day. I should really let them out more. Well, if you man­aged to read all of this non­sense then thanks, and I appre­ci­ate your con­cern, or inter­est, or bore­dom, or what­ever it might be that would keep to read this drib­ble. As always, I wel­come your com­ments (except for spam­mers, that’s get­ting old).

- jason

I know it comes nat­u­rally for a select few, but I find new envi­ron­ments and meet­ing new peo­ple chal­leng­ing. Don’t get me wrong, I love new things and enjoy meet­ing new peo­ple, but it’s dif­fer­ent when you do it alone. Nor­mally when I go some­where new or am intro­duced to new peo­ple, I was with some close friends. If not with friends then I was at least in some way “in my element”.

Also, on trips you are sur­rounded by the same peo­ple for extended peri­ods of time and you’re all in a sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tion. I like those envi­ron­ments. I do well when I have time. I don’t feel like any­one who knows me will be shocked to hear that I tend to move slowly.

I think that has been one of the more chal­leng­ing things of mov­ing. None of my close con­nec­tions are here, and the friends I do have here are not around that often. I want to be involved. I want to make friends. But unlike tak­ing a trip, we’re not all in the same sit­u­a­tion. Peo­ple here already have friends, lives, sched­ules, rou­tines, and now here I am knock­ing on their metaphor­i­cal door.

None of this is aided by the fact that I don’t ter­ri­bly mind not being around peo­ple. I grew up as an only child and had two work­ing par­ents. The prob­lem is that while I would be fine with­out it, I know that I need it. I need peo­ple, friends, things to get me out of the house even when I don’t quite feel like it, and a place to belong. I need to start to feel at home. I’m not trav­el­ing, tak­ing a trip, or vis­it­ing. I’ve moved.

It’s still a lot to take in and a lot of adjust­ments, but I’ll get there. I sup­pose I just need time.

How do you do with new places or mak­ing new friends?

Well, I cer­tainly haven’t blogged in a long time, and more than that I don’t pub­lish many life details. Well, per­haps I do the details but not the over­ar­ch­ing life hap­pen­ings. For the few of you who may not know much at all, I grad­u­ated LeTourneau Uni­ver­sity well over a year ago with a degree in Chris­t­ian Min­istry. I looked around for jobs loosely but never really found any­thing, dur­ing which I con­tin­ued to oper­ate a small but prof­itable vend­ing machine busi­ness and doing free­lance graphic and web design.

Sold the vend­ing around Decem­ber and con­tin­ued to free­lance, while liv­ing with the par­ents. Started dat­ing Natalie on Thanks­giv­ing, and I still am. Had sev­eral good friends move away like Gar­rett and Tim, and a few moved back to Longview, like Ryan and Chris­ten (shame we couldn’t have both been in Dal­las at the same time). Took a job at Trin­ity Church of Cedar Hill about 3–4 weeks ago man­ag­ing their web­site and graphic design. Stay­ing with a friend in Wax­a­hachie until I can move in some­where else. Sup­pos­edly rent­ing a room from another guy, but the house isn’t ready yet… oh the joys of limbo.

Things with the new job have been good. Trin­ity is a great church and I’m glad to be here. A lot of adjust­ments, envi­ron­ment, per­son­al­i­ties, rhythms, and largely work­ing for myself for close to 5 years to work­ing spe­cific times in a larger orga­ni­za­tion… It’s good, just quite dif­fer­ent. Though I don’t think I’ll ever be a fan of early mornings.

Well that’s the gen­eral overview. Some­times I won­der about the pur­pose of writ­ing these things out, but as I do it makes me real­ize that it helps me put things into per­spec­tive, makes me think, and I enjoy it for the most part. Not to men­tion that as my friends con­tinue to spread across the coun­try, I’d like to keep con­nected at least on some level.

What’s going on in your life? Leave a com­ment or send me an email and let me know.